Why Author Photos Don't Have to Suck by Lauren Clark

You all are in for a treat!  My friend, the fabulous Lauren Clark, has stopped by Princess With a Pen today to chat about the dreaded head shot.  Lauren is the author of Stay Tuned and Dancing Naked in Dixie. She writes contemporary novels set in the Deep South; stories sprinkled with sunshine, suspense, and secrets.

A former TV news anchor, Lauren adores flavored coffee, local bookstores, and anywhere she can stick her toes in the sand. Her big loves are her family, paying it forward, and true-blue friends. Check out her website at www.laurenclarkbooks.com.

Why Author Photos Don't Have to Suck!

Let's face it, no one over the age of twelve (maybe even eleven) really loves getting his or her photo taken, unless, of course, you are Brooklyn Decker posing for Sports Illustrated in a string bikini and being paid a gazillion dollars.

Since SI isn't likely to bust down my door for a photo-op anytime soon, whisk me off to a desert island in the Caribbean, then retouch the images to remove any blemishes (shriek!) ... I've decided to weigh in on a crucial part of the author package:  The Photo.

 After growing up in a family full of photographers, I'm used to the click and flash mentality. Smile! Cheese! Not the fake smile! If you know my father, uncle, or cousins, you know the drill. Every event ... at least a dozen people have cameras. Case in point, St. Louis, last Saturday. Family wedding. Monday morning, several HUNDRED photos were on Facebook!

And yes, I am getting to my point. Snapshots are fabulous! Love 'em! They're fun and flirty, sometimes not so flattering, but always good for sharing.

That said, snapshots should NOT be used for your author photo. This is one of those "won't compromise/absolutes" on my Author To-Do list, along with a great cover and serious proofreading. It's just too important. If your shot is blurry, off-center, or unprofessional, what will potential readers think of what's inside the cover? You have one chance to make a first impression -- make it the best you can.

For my author photo (and I did feel rather dorky doing it, I will admit) I went to a Portrait Innovations studio (http://www.portraitinnovations.com) with no appointment and one change of clothes. The session took all of twenty minutes. I spent $69.00 and walked out the same day with three pictures on a disk that I felt good about using on my novel cover.

Take a look at these examples.  The first is off-center and blurry...

 The second is too dark and close-up. 

The third is the one that I ended up choosing for my novel covers.

I've since used the photo on my website, promotional material, Facebook, Twitter, press releases, and my two novels. I view the money and time I spent as an investment.

If you really don't have the cash to spend, enlist a friend to help, someone with knowledge of photography, a high-quality camera, and the ability to put the photos on a disk or your computer. A few extra tips:  Wear a solid color, use good lighting, and try for a natural look.

What are your thoughts on Author Photos? How do they affect your book-buying preferences?

Thank you so much, Lauren, for stopping by!  You can find Lauren Clark on Facebook and Twitter.  

You can pick up her books here:

Dancing Naked in Dixie for Kindle

Dancing Naked in Paperback

Dancing Naked for Nook

Dancing Naked for iTunes, iPad, iPhone

Stay Tuned 

Lauren Clark Books Website

Have a wonderful day!

XOXO

Jen

Confessions of a Stuffaholic with Pj Schott

It is the first Wednesday in June, and that means the glorious Pj Schott is here to deliver a message to the masses. Pj has lived in several U.S. port cities, Europe, Greece, and the Middle East. A marketing professional, mystery writer, and futurist, Pj is known to those with whom she works as a problem-solver, an innovative thinker, a top-notch communicator, a visionary, and the soul of a group. She is the owner of the Boston, Massachusetts based company GENIUS and is the woman behind the new Facebook page and blog, Survival for Blondes, where Pj is entirely surrounded by imagined disasters and learns to rise above.

Let the fabulous Queen of Blonde Survival be heard!

Hi, My Name is Pj … and I’m a Stuffaholic

                                                                   

Rivers know this: there is no hurry. We shall get there some day.

– Winnie the Pooh

UNIVERSAL LAW teaches us that nature abhors a vacuum. We decide we want our house to look like Martha Stewart lives there, but as soon as we drop off our bags at the Salvation … voila!! All we did was create another Stuff Magnet.

Ah … the circle of life. Pack-rattery is a human condition (go ahead, count my legs). One minute we’re patting ourselves on our uber‑organized backs, and, the next … we contemplate filling the void with Retail Therapy.

Rivers know this ….

SIMPLE ISN’T EASY. My Stuffaholic condition hits me whenever I travel. I survive quite happily with the contents of my airline-approved carry-on bag. At my hotel, I revel in the joy of unpacking my suitcase with plenty of room to store everything. Visions of Minimalism begin a Danse Macabre in my head. And, once again, I vow to go home and change my errant ways.

KNOW THYSELF is an inscription at The Temple of Apollo at Delphi in Greece. Self-knowledge improves both our quality of life and our relationships with other people. Rather than history repeating, we make better decisions, and choices with less painful consequences.

Meditating at the Blue Lagoon in Iceland, I realized I had hit rock bottom. Broken promises to myself began to haunt me. Then a moment of clarity and I realized I could do this, but not alone. I felt brave enough to take the first step and admit I have a problem.

PROFESSIONAL HELP was needed here. I love my Stuff, but I love having Space much more.  My house should always look nice, just in case the Architectural Digest photographers show up. At home I might lose my newfound resolve, so I immediately phoned one of the tried-and-true organizers I already have on speed-dial. I would remain a Recovering Stuffaholic for the rest of my life.

Getting organized is a lot like losing weight. It’s one thing to rid yourself of the blubber … quite another to maintain one’s blubber-free form. Likewise, what took a lifetime to become entrenched in my psyche would not disappear overnight.

There is no hurry ….

THE PAIN OF WITHDRAWAL – nausea, anxiety, insomnia – is the fear my addict self faces. But treatment involves learning that

·         Success will depend on commitment and support.

·         My organizer is aware of all the tactics that might make me fall off the wagon.

·         During my detox Stuff will be the only thing on my mind.

·         My solution to the discomfort will be more Stuff, which is the last thing I need.

·         I will go extremes for more Stuff but the organizer will know how to get me through it.

·         My organizer will know when I am done with my withdrawal, and when it’s time for the next step of my treatment.

We shall get there some day.




My thanks and love to Pj, and to you, for stopping by Princess With a Pen today!
  XOXO
Jen

Elle Amberley; A Pinterest addict comes clean!

Too many of my friends live too many time zones away.  One of those, is the talented Elle Amberley.  Elle released her latest novel, Lost in Your Time, this spring and was so gracious to stop by and chat with me today.  I could write a thesis on the reasons I admire and love her.  Instead, I will let her do the talking.  Enjoy!  

Look at Elle and one of her sweet babies... adorable!

Jen:  Tell me a little about your inspiration that led to your latest novel, “Lost in Your Time?”  I think it is so poignant with how globally connected our planet has become with social media.  At any time, any one of us could be “one click away” from making defining choices in our lives.

Elle: You've done your homework Jen, love that. Yes, Lost in your time is all about that moment when Natasha clicks on that link. It happened to me. One moment I was just about surviving and the next I jolted back into life. The power of a memory, something that had happened more than twenty years ago. Another country, another life, a little girl who was a fighter.

I’d like to think I would have regained my “joie de vivre” eventually but I got a massive kick that day. I just stared at the screen transfixed. What I saw was familiar, in the way I’d heard this song before, but it also confused me as the last time I’d heard it was “that” summer back in Corsica. I must have been 10 years old. Yet, more than 26 years later, there it was. I’d never liked French music, yet, I remembered the words. It was such a recent setting too, but very exotic, in a place that didn’t make any sense.

The beauty of it completely floored me, provoked this intense reaction. I recently read a quote about how you never experience music as powerfully as you do in your teens. A few years ago I would have agreed with this, that no band can recreate that intense gut grabbing feeling you get in your teenage years. Life can be full of surprises, especially if you’re open to them.

Pick up a copy here

Jen: Memories can be so powerful!  Especially when they find us after so many moons pass us by.  It always amazes me how a place, a song, and even a scent can send my thoughts into the past.  The mind is an amazing time machine. 

  

What book is on your nightstand right now?

Elle: Groan. I have no room on my nightstand. I get so many books sent to me, friends, publishers... It’s lucky I’m a fast reader. Let’s have a look.

Night by Elie Wiesel, the new Murakami, Magic Hour by K. Hannah, The Life you’ve Imagined, A Mother’s Wish, The Last Boyfriend... Are you still with me? 

Jen: Girl, I am totally with you!  This past weekend I finished reading three books and a short story.  On my desk, right this very minute, I have Far From Here, Don't You Forget About Me, and The Unlikely Pilgrimage of Harold Fry waiting on me to spend time with them; just to name a few!  Receiving books is fabulous, and has introduced me to authors that I might not have read without the little gifts in the mail.  Right now I am reading Contents May have Shifted by Pam Houston.  I am so thankful it was sent to me, otherwise I might have missed out on a memoir with these beautiful little vignettes of her life and travels.    

Do you have a new project in the works?

Elle: A new project, me? I have so many new projects I'm running around like a mad woman and can't sleep at night. No change there then. I often work on two or three projects at the same time. I know nothing about writer's block. I've come to the conclusion that rather than being slightly schitzo I'm just creative. At least that’s what everybody has been telling me. I’ll take it.

Jen: I love that you take on multiple projects, stories in your mind/on the pages at the same time.  I think so many times, as authors and manic writers, we feel like we have to backburner ideas and finish works in progress first.  I am so glad to see you embrace the manic writer in you!

If you could have lunch with anyone, living or deceased, whether they are important to you personally or someone you find fascinating, who would it be and why?  

Elle: Well, now you’ve done it! Made me go all emotional :)

I would love to have a good chat with my grandfather; he passed away on my eighth birthday. I adored him; he's the only person in my family who never did me any harm.  Over the years I've made my peace with what happened in my childhood and put the ghosts to rest while writing Nowhere Left to Hide. Still I wish somebody could enlighten me about my mother and the rest of our family. So many questions will never have an answer. I wonder how things would have turned out if he had been in better health.

That said, I don't live in the past so I'd love to have you around for a good old chat and also many of the wonderful friends I've connected with thanks to the Internet.

Notice Elle's glass is empty... 

Jen: I didn’t mean to make you tear up; so sorry.  I try not to go Barbara Walters on people and open the floodgates.  *Jen sends hugs across the miles* And I KNEW it was me all along that you wanted to dine with!  Ha!  I think that we would be escorted out of the joint, at closing time, for loud and boisterous behavior that lasted over an 8 hour lunch.

  

You and I are alone, and have the entire ice cream shop to ourselves.  Can you imagine the joy?  Tell me what the ingredients would be in your favorite sundae, and don’t forget the cherry on top!

Elle: Yum, I picture Italian ice-cream. In France you can order a Dame Blanche, I love that, it's vanilla with hot chocolate sauce and cream. Café Liégeois is also a favourite, coffee ice-cream with hot chocolate sauce. 

How about apricot, rhum raisin and white chocolate? I do love to try lots of different flavours.

Look!  Baby raisins! 

Jen: Because it’s you, I will try a bite of the raisin ice cream.  Just for you.  Only you!  My general rule for raisins is that they should always fly solo.  For some reason, they creep me out in cookies, breads; you name it.  When eaten alone, they make me smile!  Maybe that’s a childhood phobia from a raisin incident gone badly.  Hmm…

Little known secret; you and I are both gluten free girls.  If you came over to my house for dinner, I would make you my fabulous pizza from scratch.  What would you cook for me?

Elle: You know, I’d love that. Don’t keep tempting me, I’ll end up on the next plane.

I must confess I used to cook a lot but these days I'm spoiled, my husband does much of the cooking. I love fish and I never eat meat. Eating is still very much a struggle for me because of my health problems. My husband was horrified when I was diagnosed with coeliac. What was I going to eat? Well, of course, the coeliac thingy is the last of my problems. Some days I’m able to eat one food, the next not. How are you with humus and avocados?

Jen: I love humus and avocados!  I think if that was all you and I had to eat on a deserted island, we would be just fine.  Speaking of things we love, I know you love Pinterest!  Tell us your favorite things to pin!

Elle: I love pinning. Isn't it so much fun? Mostly I pin pretty pictures of my favourite places and especially the ones featured in my novels. I also pin cute animals, arty and crafty stuff. Often one of my children will peer at the screen and coo 'pin it, pin it...' which is why I now have boards for them.  So addictive!

My love, hugs and sincere gratitude to Elle for stopping by Princess With a Pen today.  Elle, you are one in a million, and I am so thankful to call you friend.   

If you would like to find out more about Elle, you can visit her website here.  You can also find her on Twitter and Facebook and Pinterest.    

Have a wonderful day!

XOXO

Jen

Dancing With the Stars Week 10

All good things must come to an end... until NEXT season, that is! 

Thanks for the memories DWTS season 14 cast!

Oh what a night!  The finals were a splashy spectacle last night, and with that said it is difficult to believe this is our last time together this season.  We have laughed, cried, and guffawed with you as the show rolled out on Monday nights.  As the token DWTS virgin of the group, I want to thank my friends Michelle Bell and Tracie Banister for showing me the ropes, and hanging out at my blog.  Thank you, my sweet girl Gracie, for spending time with your mom, and chatting up all things mirrorball related. I couldn’t love you more.  No matter who wins the competition, it was a phenomenal season and we all thank you for stopping by and spending time with us.  Here we go!

Standout Performance of the week:

Tracie: I LOVED Donald and Peta's country-fied Freestyle!  That was just plain ole fun!  Cowboy Troy did a great job with the song, Peta killed it on the choreography, and Donald looked like he was having a blast.  His musicality was fantastic and he made all of those lifts look effortless.  I especially loved the ending to the routine - "Get you some of that!" indeed! :)  P.S.  I loved that their cowboy/cowgirl costumes were gold and green, the colors of Donald's team, the Green Bay Packers. 

Michelle: There was no question about it - Donald and Peta put 110% into that country inspired freestyle dance.  I have watched it a couple of times so far and it was just perfect!  I was so happy to see Len finally giving up the 10.  I love all three of the final contestants and I will be happy with any of them winning, but I have to admit to pulling a little more for Donald and Peta after that fun freestyle dance.

Jen: I was all over the Cheesehead, Packer, Boot Scootin’ freestyle performance by Donald and Peta.  WOW!  That was amazing; fresh and original.  Cowboy and Cheesehead hats off to the duo for giving it their all until the very end. 

Gracie: I super liked the last dance of the freestyle kind of dancing.  Did you see Donald swinging Peta around like a Lalaloopsy doll?  Man is he strong!  I bet he could throw me up so high I could catch a cloud!  That would be so much fun.  But I might throw up too.

This Was Definitely Not Your Dance - Worst Performance:

Tracie: In theory, Katherine and Mark's swing-inspired Freestyle should have been amazing, but to my eye, it was an awkwardly-executed mess.  Mark threw everything but the kitchen sink in there and Katherine seemed to be struggling to keep up.  It was too frenetic!  There was no fluidity, no joy in the movement, and the lifts just looked arduous. 

Michelle: This was the finals...the freestyle dances should have blown my mind with how creative and risky they were.  I felt that William and Cheryl did a very safe salsa inspired dance that, as Len pointed out, relied on William doing what he does best - shaking his butt. The dance was not a favorite of mine.  And I wasn't overly fond of either dance that Katherine and Mark did tonight.

Jen: I was looking for some serious “out of the norm” dances tonight during the freestyle portion of the program, and sadly I think the mark was missed by two couples.  William & Cheryl’s opportunity to show off some other skills was missed.  Katherine and Mark entertained us previously with a flapper-esque routine.  I was left wanting more from both pairs.  Were they great dances?  Sure.  Were they amazing?  Not even close.

Gracie: I liked all the people who danced tonight.  I think that if you dance really hard to be in the final exams of dancing, then all of the dances are the best!

**Mom’s Note: Gracie’s brothers are studying this week for final exams in school, hence the test reference.  It’s the last week of school!**

The Tina Sparkle Award for best use of sequins and spandex:

Tracie: Peta's skin-baring Argentine Tango gown was a feat of engineering!  It might have been those sparkly gold straps of fabric on the sides that kept the skimpy periwinkle blue number in place, or maybe it was just a ballroom miracle, but either way I was stunned that no wardrobe malfunction took place as Peta was lifted, twisted, and dropped by Donald.  The bright blue was gorgeous on blonde and artfully tanned Peta and the body-hugging design showed her rockin' figure off to its best advantage.

Michelle: Peta's blue Argentine Tango dress was slinky and seductive.  It was perfect for her body type and fit her perfectly. I loved it all except for the gloves.  And Donald is very handsome in blue as well.

Jen: I go crazy for a sharp dressed, bald man!  Oh Donald.  Donald Driver.  You had me at your midnight blue colored suit.  Also, I loved the little “pop” of color that peeked out from the lining of Mark’s white jacket during the first dance.  I thought it was a nice little touch. 

Gracie: Cheryl looked like a rainbow!  I knew that she would get a 30 tonight because she had that beautiful dress on!

This just in . . . the wardrobe department hates you!

Tracie: The 1920s flapper look worked for Katherine once, so I can understand why the wardrobe peeps decided to go back to that well again for her Freestyle.  Her fringey white dress was okay, but like Michelle said, the white granny panties under the costume were fugly and distracting.  And I couldn't take my eyes off of Katherine's sensible white shoes that looked like something a nurse would wear.    They drew way too much attention to Katherine's feet and legs (which were a bit wobbly throughout the routine.) 

Michelle: I thought Cheryl's multi-colored dress for the cha-cha was very unflattering for her. It had a weird cut and weird shape to the bottom of it.  Plus her hair extensions are getting a bit unruly and looking too droopy for her.

Jen: I was not as big a fan as my daughter was of Cheryl’s dress for the Cha-Cha-Cha.  She is so lovely; so beautiful.  For one of her last dances, I would have loved to have seen her in something silky, form-fitting, and sleek.

Gracie: I couldn’t stop laughing when Katherine wore that bull fighter costume when she danced the first time.  She made a left turn at Albuquerque like Bugs Bunny did when he fought the bull and people threw roses at him!  *Gracie cracks herself up* Oh, I will miss you when you do funny things like that Katherine.     

What were the judges' smoking?

Tracie: They always punk out in the final and hand out nothing but 9s and 10s so that it's left up to the viewers to choose the winner and that's okay.  But it did annoy me that they were gushing over dances that were clearly not that great (Katherine's Freestyle) and nitpicking dances that were well-done (see Len's comments about William's Freestyle.)

Michelle: Len has been so tough on Donald and very stingy with giving him a 10.  I think the judges are clearly wanting Katherine and Mark to win as they scored them perfect 30's for both dances, which I felt was too high for both routines.

Jen: Did you see Carrie Ann go all Mr. Roboto scoring William’s freestyle?  What was that?

Gracie: HOW DARE YOU, LEN!!  How dare you give Donald and Peta a “9” for their first dance!  How dare you!!!  Carrie Ann, you should not stand on top of desks, even if you like William dancing for you.  If you did that at my school, you would do straight to the principal’s office, and they would call your mom!  You could’ve cracked your head open if you fell, you know!  That was a bad choice!  If I was your Mommy, you would be grounded from Hello Kitty Bingo for many days.

Tom Bergeron's best one-liner:

Tracie: After William and Cheryl got their Cha Cha scores, the camera cut back to Tom who was standing in the middle of the dance floor holding red and green streamers with a perplexed expression on his face.  I cracked up when he said, "Did we get these at a Christmas sale?"

Michelle: "I think Len might be suffering from bum envy" after Len criticized William and Cheryl for resorting to a typical butt shaking dance in the free-style.

Jen: Speaking to Donald concerning Len, “He’s really starting to annoy me…”  Really?!?  Just now?!? 

Gracie: That Tom was just making everyone talk fast and go fast tonight.  Go up those stairs.  Hurry up and finish your talking.  Get your dancing done.  He sure was in a hurry for something.  Maybe he was going to play XBOX Live with his friends after the show and that’s why he wanted to get out of there so badly.  

The "Oh, Brooke!" moment of the week:

Tracie: Brooke was dying to get Donald to say something rasty about Len after he denied Donald a 10 in the Argentine Tango.  I was glad that Donald laughed it off and said that Len was going to love their Freestyle and would have no choice but to give them a 10 then (he was right!)

***SIDEBAR***Rumor has it that Brooke wants to return to the dance floor as a contestant in the fall's All-Star Season, which means we'd get a substitute celebraquarium interviewer.  I vote for Carson Kressley! **Oh! Jen loves this idea!**

Michelle: Brooke's hair looked atrocious.  I didn't really pay much attention to what she had going on tonight so I missed any moments of rolling my eyes at her Brooke-speak. It does, however, greatly bug me when she asks them what they think about the scores they have received and then doesn't give them a chance to do more than say a word or two.

Jen: I didn’t really listen to Brooke tonight.  Gracie and I were doodling on our score sheet in-between dances and perked up when the scores were about to be given.  Professionals might call that my “coping strategy” to tune things out that I choose not to hear.  I just call it enjoying some moments with my baby girl.

Gracie: Brooke looked like Silver Barbie tonight!    

Time to hang up your dancing shoes:

Tracie: I would be fine with any of the Final 3 taking home that mirrorball trophy as I think they've all done well this season and seem like wonderful people.  But based solely on their performances in the Final last night, I think it's going to be Donald Driver.  I'm not sure about second and third place, though.  That's going to be a tough call and will probably depend on the size of William's and Katherine's fanbases.

Michelle: This is a really close final three.  All three have shown vast improvement and all three have amazing talent.  If it comes down to fan votes, Katherine has been shown to not have the bigger fan base of the three and I feel will be the first one voted out tonight.  Between William and Donald, I am truly torn.  I feel that Donald should win, but I have a feeling William has a huge fan base that may take him over the top.   If it comes down to a judges' vote, it will most likely go to Katherine as they have clearly favored her all season long.  The ballroom is going to be rocking tonight!

Jen: Katherine has a very strong fan base that propelled her to the finals.  I think it may come down to Katherine and Donald.  William has been a huge contender all season, yet I am not sure if he really scored big with viewers last night to secure enough votes.  If we scored the stars solely on last night’s dancing; Donald wins hands down.  Hats off to all of the stars who participated this season!  You were all tops to me.

Gracie: I really do like Peta, and Donald too so I don’t want them to lose their shoes.  I would like them to win.  You know, I just really think they all got to have a lot of fun and so I can’t pick someone to lose.  They all took dance lessons, they put on shiny costumes, and they worked so hard.  I wish they could all have the trophy.  If they all can’t have it then they should share it.  That’s what friends do!

We have had a blast!  Thank you for spending time with us for DWTS!

XOXO

Michelle, Tracie, Jen & Gracie

Dancing With the Stars Week 9

DWTS May Madness is here with our Final Four!  Hats off to all the contestants who graced the stage this year.  No guts, no glory!  We said “auf Wiedersehen” to Melissa and Roshon last week.  They danced their little beaded tassels off during their tenure.  The remaining contestants have an amazing amount of talent between them.  Tonight, one will leave and we will see the remaining three couples in the finals.  What a long, strangely fabulous trip this year has been!  Joining me to wrap up last night’s moves are blog hop queen and author, Tracie Banister; president of her local unpacking offices and new homes chapter, blogger Michelle Bell; and then there is little old me, Jen Tucker.  Due to circumstances beyond her control, my giggle-giving daughter, Gracie, will not be joining us for comments today.  We know you love her sassy little zingers, and promise that she will return for the finals.  Let’s roll!

Standout Performance of the week:

Tracie: I really loved Mark and Katherine's 1920s-style Quickstep.  It was fun and fast-paced.  Great choreo from Mark and Katherine's technique was spot on.  I really do love a good Quickstep and I'm always impressed when a celebrity nails it.  To me, it seems like such a difficult dance since the majority of it is done in hold and there's so much crazy footwork involved.

Michelle: I absolutely LOVED Donald and Peta's waltz.  It was so beautiful and well-choreographed.  Donald has been a powerhouse; don't count the football player out.   For the second set of dances, I loved William and Cheryl's samba. It was festive and fun, a well-deserved 30.   But I think it was the waltz that stands as my favorite of the week.

Jen: In full disclosure, I am a sucker for anything Great Gatsby or Flapper-esque.  Now that my confession is out of the way, I will tell you that beyond the theme of their dance, Katherine and Mark Quick Stepped into my heart.  They make something so difficult look so fun and breezy!  That, my friend, is talent!

This Was Definitely Not Your Dance - Worst Performance:

Tracie: Maria and Derek's Jive - what was that?  It's not a Jive if there aren't any kicks and flicks and Maria barely got her feet up off the floor!  I felt like I was watching a softshoe, not a Jive.  I know the choreo isn't Maria's fault, but the lethargy in her legs is.  She has no energy below the waist and it's painfully obvious when she has to do dances that require fast and/or intricate footwork. 

Michelle: Katherine and Mark's salsa was weird.  I can't even tell you what it was that made me not like it, but I was not impressed. Of course, the trip at the end threw Katherine completely off as well.  I felt so badly for her, she was so devastated.  I also didn't like the jive by Maria and Derek. I thought it was lazy and the judges fawning all over it was rather annoying.

Jen: At this stage of the game, with the level of talented stars competing, my pick really is what routine I didn’t connect with.  It was cute; it was kitschy (which I usually adore), however Maria & Derek’s Jive just didn’t feel…jivey?!?  I am so confused when I see judges knock contestants for mixing other dance combinations into a predetermined style, and then tonight they praised it as sensational.  If that happened on the school playground, I assure you that Gracie would pout until the cows came home, making sure that the judges knew it was not fair.    

The Tina Sparkle Award for best use of sequins and spandex:

Tracie: The 1920s has always been my favorite era.  I love those colorful, glittery flapper-style dresses and Katherine looked gorgeous in her pink one last night.  Pink is always a blonde's best friend!  Her hair looked really pretty with the marcel wave, too.  In that get-up, Katherine would have been right at home at one of Jay Gatsby's lavish soirées in West Egg (F. Scott Fitzgerald shout-out!).   

Michelle: Katherine's flapper dress was all kinds of awesome!  I loved the style, I loved the color, and it was just all around fun.  Katherine really dazzles when you put her in a bright, vibrant colors.  And Donald was just all around handsome tonight in his suits.

Jen: Oh my mercy, we have a 3 way tie!  I am all about the gorgeous shade of pink that Katherine wore this evening.  She was radiant!   And William Levy?  You have reclaimed the men’s white loafer from Cousin Eddie in the Vacation movie saga.  You brought sexy white loafers back, baby!

This just in . . . the wardrobe department hates you!

Tracie: Donald and Peta's Samba costumes were really boring, which is a worse fashion crime than being fugly IMO.  Their grey/white/black business attire just didn't work for the Samba at all.  Yes, I know Peta had her skirt/blouse ripped off to reveal a fun, fringey silver (or was it white?) number underneath, but Donald was still left looking like he'd just stepped off Wall Street.  It just wasn't the right visual for a party dance.

Michelle: I thought Derek looked silly in his velvet suit jacket and by the way he kept tugging at it, obviously he agreed.  Maria's dress for the jive was very unflattering for her, oddly shaped and not the right style for her.

Jen: I loved the intention; I did not love the costumes Katherine and Mark wore for their Salsa.  I love seeing Katherine in the bold and vibrant colors, such as the fuchsia she slipped on for their first number.  I think they could have carried off the theme of snake charmer and belly dancer with something that had more oomph!  I was reminded just a tad of Carol Burnett’s curtain wearing Scarlett O’Hara dress.  Just a tad…

What were the judges' smoking?

Tracie: The judges' scoring is so schizophrenic!  How many times have they jumped all over pro/celebs for not sticking to the dance they were assigned?  Len even got on Derek about that Bollywood-inspired non-Samba last week.  But last night, when Derek and Maria did some weird, jazzy, Fosse-style riff on the Jive, Len handwaved it and the judges gave them a ridiculously overscored 29.  It's like I'm not even watching the same dances they are!

Michelle: I don't envy the judges this week as all four are good dancers and it is a tough decision for them.  However, it does totally feel like they are pimping Maria and Derek with the consistent high scores on weaker dances.  On the other end of the spectrum, the judges praise Donald and Peta week after week of being so good and the scores do not reflect the praise they are heaping.

Jen: Just as a courtesy, and because he knows MANY large football players, I just have a small word of caution for Len Goodman.  Never – NEVER – call Donald Driver a “tough cream puff.”  Just take it into consideration, Len.  They could hurt you; badly. 

Tom Bergeron's best one-liner:

Tracie: It must have been an off night for Tom because I don't remember him saying anything particularly hilarious.  I did laugh at his reaction to Maria jumping on him after getting her judges' scores.  She said she had to do it because Derek's back was hurt.  Tom looked startled, then bemused.  The poor man is always having his personal space invaded on this show!  I guess that being jumped on is better than having his butt pinched.

Michelle: "I think Maria almost ripped apart the Skybox" after Maria went shrieking around like a banshee.  I was embarrassed for her tonight with how she was acting.

Jen: I cannot wait for the one-liners that Tom throws out to us and reels us in with.  I didn’t bite on any this evening.  So many stars and their partners are injured, or were injured this evening.  Maybe Tom’s Funny Bone was out of sorts.

The "Oh, Brooke!" moment of the week:

Tracie: "Do you have a thing for cages?" Brooke's question to Mark after he and Katherine did their Quickstep.  What did she expect Mark to say?  "Yes, Brooke, I'm totally into cages and whips and chains, too." <eye roll>

Michelle: Brooke was rather tan tonight, wasn't she? Not orange, but she had obviously been spray tanned today.  She had two moments tonight...one that made me roll my eyes pretty hard and the other that made me snicker.  The look on Donald's face when she asked what is was about him as a man that helped him survive was priceless.  She said it in such an "I'm a serious news reporter" voice that my eyes rolled and I shook my head.  When she scolded Maria to "get serious", however, I had to smile.  It was clearly not scripted and unexpected, but it was priceless.

Jen: So my oldest son Wil brought home an art project this week. *Yes, this is going somewhere* It is a vase made from rolled strips of magazine pages.  He placed them in layered coils while gluing as he went along crafting it.  It is so cool!  That was all I could think of as I looked at Brooke because her dress looked EXACTLY like Wil’s creation!  So in all honesty, I was thinking about different color combinations Wil could create for me when making a vase for my office.  Did Brooke even speak?   She did?  My apologies…

Time to hang up your dancing shoes:

Tracie: I'm sorry to say that I think our Welsh Wiggler is done for.  I just don't think she has as powerful of a voting fanbase as the other three and losing three points on her Salsa because of her back spasm was the nail in her dance coffin.  Her elimination might be for the best if her back is seriously injured and she's in pain.  I hate to see celebs continue on with injuries that they'll only make worse.

Michelle: This is a strong final four and hard to say who should go home.  I personally think it will be either Maria or Katherine. While they are both good, I don't think they have the fan support that Donald and William have.  From the beginning I had thought Katherine would win, but over the last two weeks, I'm not so sure now.

Jen: It really pains me to say this, and I think she is über talented; Katherine may not have a place in the final competition.  I worry that her last dance score, with injury factored in, may have an effect on the overall outcome for her.  I am unsure that she has the base of voters to keep her alive until next week, and I would love to be proven wrong.

Time and time again we see it’s anyone’s game, and anyone can go home no matter how much we adore them, or think they were robbed (yes, Jack Wager; nothing but love for you).  No matter who goes home, they gave their best and should hold their head high making it to The Final Four.   

We will see you next week!  Be there or be talked about!

XOXO

Michelle, Tracie, Jen & Gracie